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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29272773">the kids aren’t alright</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesnickettaxi/pseuds/thesnickettaxi'>thesnickettaxi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All the Wrong Questions - Lemony Snicket</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>15 years after ATWQ, Childhood Trauma, Non canon behaviour, Substance Abuse, because I’m the boss, i let lemony swear a fair bit, idk how to tag on this site even after all this time, just for a treat, looking back on young loves, the dark timeline</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:35:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,381</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29272773</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesnickettaxi/pseuds/thesnickettaxi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>lemony returns to the town where it all went wrong, seeking out the children who have since become adults in his absence.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the kids aren’t alright</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>drop some kudos &amp; comments if you enjoy this at all, i have not written in a hot minute so be gentle good friends.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>the train to stain’d-by-the-sea was mostly empty, leaving me alone with my thoughts for the long journey to the once seaside town. the last time i was here i was a child, countless mottos and poems tattooed into my thoughts. the ink of those mental tattoos had begun fading by now, to faint silhouettes of what they once were. but those figurative tattoos will never be gone, just as their literal counterpart on my ankle won’t disappear. 

i hated the place back then, with its cracked sidewalks, it’s vacant neighbourhoods and the fog flooded plains that used to hold the ocean. now i simply found it sad. i imagined this town in another time, it’s businesses alive and fruitful, the ocean glittering in warm sunlight. a hub of successful industry. when i had left, almost twenty years ago, i had thought that it would become that. perhaps without what i did, it would have done. </p><p>everything was just as i remembered, air thick with mist, catching in my throat and making me feel like i was choking on it. my surroundings appeared so saturated, like all the colour had been drained out of it. nothing had changed.</p><p>my feet took me to the lighthouse before i even registered that it was my destination. as it loomed above me, tall and intimidating despite the peeling paintwork, i was twelve years old again, almost able to feel my longer hair dusting against my forehead despite my best attempts to tame it under a cap. i looked to my left, half expecting to see theodora next to me, stern faced and wild haired. i shook off the wistful expectation firmly. <em>pull yourself together snicket. <em></em></em></p><p>
  <em>
    <em>inside i discovered a tall, slim man hunched over a desk, a deep frown spread across his face as he read through an article in the newspaper. his bow tie was crooked and his shirt had creases deep enough to get lost in. as i stepped towards him he snapped to attention, eyes suddenly alert and hands flailing as if to defend himself. i put my hands up in calm surrender.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“calm down kellar. it’s me,” i spoke softly and watched as his eyes widened and he moved one of his flailing hands to run through his messy hair in a failed attempt at looking casual. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“snicket? holy hell, i never thought i’d see you again,” he visibly relaxed, slumping back down into his chair rather than rushing over to pull me into an emotional reunion embrace. that was fine with me. i’m not much of a hugger these days. or any days, admittedly.<br/>
“me neither,” i admitted, and it was partly true. i had always had the thought of returning to stain’d by the sea vaguely in the back of my mind, but i hadn’t really considered it properly until i found myself fleeing from a pursuer several days before and accidentally boarded a train that took me just north of the town.<br/>
kellar looked mostly unchanged. he had aged, yes, but he still had that ridiculous formation of dark hair and his eyes were as alert as ever, keen as an eagle.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em> “so how is everyone?” i asked casually, as if it had been simply a few weeks rather than almost twenty years. i saw hesitation written all over kellar’s face and immediately my stomach dropped. thoughts of the worst raced through my mind and out of my mouth.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“what happened? is it moxie? is she-“<br/>
“she’s fine, lemony.” i allowed myself to exhale softly, relieved. i had spent many hours over the years worried for moxie mallahan, scanning hurriedly through the pages of newspapers for her byline, never finding her alliterative name.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“then who?”<br/>
“ornette. i’m sorry lemony, but she died.” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>i hadn’t thought of ornette in a long time but my blood ran cold as i remembered her in flashes. a careful smile. precisely folded origami. blonde hair all neat in a bun. i swallowed and sunk down into the chair facing kellar’s desk, head in hands. learning about the death of an associate never gets any easier, no matter how many you lose. kellar watched me analytically for a moment before opening one of his desk drawers, pulling out a midsized bottle of brandy and pouring it into two glasses before handing me one. i tipped it back, allowing it to sting my throat before asking-<br/>
“how?” i asked quietly, unable to bring myself to look at kellar.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“few years ago there was a fire at hungry’s. not jake’s fault of course, he and his aunt were away in the city. some complete- <em>complete<em> idiot broke in and poured oil all over the place and set it alight. ornette didn’t know that jake wasn’t in there so she rushed in, not even waiting to put her protective gear on. she-she didn’t come out.” kellar struggled to get to the end of the tale, and downed his own glass before refilling it. i noted the easy way he handled the bottle, and how he didn’t react to its taste whatsoever, not the slightest wince or flicker of anything. i too finished my drink and silently grieved for ornette lost, but the grief soon burnt into anger. </em></em></em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“why didn’t she just wait? she was always careful, why didn’t she put her bloody protective gear on?” i asked furiously, my fists clenching, angry at no one but the world itself. when kellar replied, his words had taken on a hardened, cold quality.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em> “yeah. yeah, she was careful. but that was a long time ago, lemony. people change.” i looked down in shame and spoke quietly, guilt seeping into my words.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em> “i’m not sorry i ran away, kellar. but i’m sorry i never came back.”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>he considered my words before smiling humourlessly. “yeah,” he said. “me too.”</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p><p>after that, kellar and i spoke for almost twenty minutes, carefully navigating the icy waters of the decade and a half that i had missed. he told me that while i had not seen moxie’s name in any newspapers, i would have seen his had i looked, as he wrote a few features each month for the daily punctilio. i got the impression that he was a little pissed off that i hadn’t looked for his name as i had for moxie’s, and i certainly felt guilty about it. he also told me about his sister, who was now involved in the theatre in the city, and about their mother, who had fiercely supported both siblings as they pursued their chosen careers, and was currently travelling the world. “in peru, last i heard from her”, he told me. </p><p>we exchanged stories for almost twenty minutes until kellar received a phone call and after a short but amiable back and forth with whoever was on the line, he gave me his apologies and grabbed his coat from the back of his chair, pulling it on as he explained that he was required to report on a story on the other side of town. he offered me his hand and i took it in a slightly awkward handshake.</p><p>he threw his typewriter bag over his shoulder and headed towards the door, leaving me to see myself out. i kept my gaze fixed on him as he hesitated in the doorway and turned to look at me again, our eyes meeting for a moment too long, lingering painfully. there were things left unsaid between us, but when our eyes met at that point, we reached a mutual understanding of acceptance. our time was gone, and that was okay. it was okay. </p><p>but fuck it still hurt. </p><p>he gave me a small half smile. “you should go and see her. she’ll probably be out on the cliffs.” </p><p>he didn’t need to say her name. “yeah. yeah, i will,” i nodded, unsure what else to say. he still didn’t seem to be leaving. i offered him a smile of my own, an unfamiliar expression on my own worn face.</p><p> “hurry up kellar. mustn’t keep the news waiting.” i wished him to say those few familiar words that i associated singularly with him and his family. but he just gave me a small, sad smile and left in silence. i missed him as soon as he was gone.</p>
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